I SERIOUSLY WANT TO DIE RIGHT NOW

I really hate everything I have in my life right now. I hate my job. I hate my family! I just had a huge argument with my mom over a very small thing! It ended up into a huge fight coz I don't like how she raises her voice almost most of the time for no good reason. When we could've talk it out in a calmer way. And always blaming me why it started in the first place. I'm so upset that I almost want to grab a knife and cut my wrist so everything would end. Coz I just so hate her and everything. This is always been the reason why I want to be alone. But I got nowhere to go and I got no money. I hate my family, my mom and how fake she is. I sometimes pity her but I really hate how fake she is sometimes or most of the time and how convincing she sound about something that she's not even sure herself. Then she yell at me for not believing her. My younger sister is just like her. I really don't like it when people do that and give me false hope. And I'm trying to not do the same thing as possibly as I could. I totally feel so hopeless and so upset that I've been thinking what if I grab a knife and just slit my wrist. So things would just end and I'll be finally free from them. Sure I might still miss them specially my little cousins when I'm away and I might get bored at some point. But I really love my alone time with my manga, games an anime which I can have both fun and peace at the same time. I always ask God why am I born in this family with anger issues? I hate them which also makes me hate myself coz I'm part of them. I hate almost everyone. And I don't think they like me that much either. Most of them are just fake. Living at this moment is like torture for me trapped in a very unfortunate reality. I really wish that I could go far far away alone. There are a lot of things that I really want to do but sometimes I wonder if God really has plans for me coz I've been thinking about killing myself a lot of times