Manipulative Family

I want to rant this out, cuz I need to let it out, as I'm losing my mind. Argh!

So little background first, my parents are a scorpio and a pisces, and its a pain. A verbal parent and a non-verbal parent, basically the sign speaks for itself and the worst is I'm asian.

The word or experience I will never, and I mean, NEVER EVER will I forget is that when I celebrated my 18th birthday, my mom come to me and instead of greeting me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, she told me "Lend me some money later" WTF right?!

I really hate when my birthday or even my birth month comes, cuz I'm reminded of this every single year! Imagine, from all the wishes, compliments, experience you can remember, the number one thing that left on my mind is my mom, asking me for some money like I'm a bank!

When my 18th birthday is getting near, I don't really feel like it, unlike my classmates that time throwing big parties and dresses, me, I was blue. College entrance exams, graduation, life, its so overwhelming and really, it just made me so depressed, what's so fun celebrating your birthday anyway?

Anyways, I was really feeling depressed and angry at them, I got accepted to a uni I want to go, cuz we live in a suburban community who goes on trips within the suburban community, and my parents know the way to the city, but its a pain they said, and they're so strict, like damn! I'm college, don't know how to drive nor even take a bus, why, cuz they're so over protective! My whole nursery to highschool is a mess, and thanks to covid it got even more messier! Sayonara, looking-forward-to-college-life! I have to go to a college near our place, and its just *insert shout*

So nearing my 18th bday, I was depressed, angry, messed up, like I have no mood for a shit birthday. But then the birthday arrived, its a school day, I can't remember what happened in the morning, but I do remember asking my classmates to come over at my house and celebrate, and also very hungry. I text my mom that I'll walk home, and not wait for them to pick me up, cuz I'm deadass hungry! (I can walk home but I need someone to be with me, strict parents remember?)

Finally, my dad and my brother arrived, I went to them, opened the car door, and surprise, they greet me with a rose bouquet. Ain't that sweet? But, no, it gets bitter. We came home, and some family are there, and food. Mom told me to dress up immediately, so I only eat little, cuz I thought that since its a casual party, we all have a family style dinner, but nope, didn't happened.

So, I went and dressed up and its getting late, like nearing 8pm (again, its school day, its a tuesday, and i have classmates and friends that needs to go home too, again, I'm asian) and instead of I'm the star of the show, who it goes to? My UNCLE! for being fashionably late! My mom and my friend did this script thing, where I went down the stairs and whatever, but I am so impatient, starving, and my close friends are going home, so I went down and what do I see. NO FOOD! I AM DEADASS HUNGRY! I didn't get a proper breakfast, lunch, or even a snack!

And I ask my mom if there's food left, and what did she say "It's for the guests" like, like *insert shout voice* I am so pissed at that moment, cuz i didn't even get to savor my favorite dish!

So, I greet my friends, classmates, family, looking around and when I'm alone, mom came to me and she told me "Lend me some money later" and I don't get to react. Like the audacity. The usual dance and wishes went on, but what sits still on my mind? My mom asking me for money on my 18th birthday.

Ofc, the good child I am, I let her money and its a huge sum. I keep reminding her that I want to get my money back, cuz, its my money, (at that time, I'm also selling baked goods, for school raising funds, so I thought the other is for school, the one is for me. 2 birds with one stone) and it went on, until I found a part time job, and again she asks for money, and I'm a good child, I lent her.

Now recently, she asks for some change, cuz she didn't have allowance for her work, so I let her some, $5 (student, no allowance, stuck at home, trying to save money) and told me she'll give it back. Payday arrives, I ask where is my money and she gets angry, giving me the all my pay goes for all of you shit. And my sister birthday came, our grandparents (Mom's parents) gives us money from time to time, and I know that my sister get some, and I ask where are mine and brother's share? Guess who have it? At my mom's. I ask her about it, and what do I get. The angry tantrum.

They always told me I'm selfish, when I'm the one who always give. When I can give, I give, when I ask for my part, they get angry. I'm so tired of this shit. And, Dad is also the worst.

The total money my Mom ask me is near $200, and damn. From that money, I can buy clothes, materials for online class, and SHIT! Like SHIT!

I hate what I'm doing, experiencing and the amount of thoughts getting in my head, the amount of times trying to harm myself, cuz I'm so sick and tired of this. And I'm the oldest, in an Asian family, like FUCK!

Well here's mine, so if any of you know how to run away from home, besides, "running away" let me know, cuz really, I'm sick and tired of this all.

This is my story, what's yours?