Failed 5 times.

Ever since my mom died i have never been able to focus on anything. One time at my birthday i tried to do an overdose. But didnt because im a coward , i tried to slit my wrists 2 times , i also tried to jump off and drown and i tried to jump off our school roof but didnt because i know it will hurt a lot and i dont think ill be able to handle it.. Anyways.. Im not depressed but i just hate my current situation so i want to die.