Serious possibly triggering question

This is about rape and stuff so please don’t read if that does trigger some people and have a wonderful day :) also super long sorry guys

So I’ve come here wondering some things that I’ve been kinda suppressing since childhood first off I gotta ask
What’s the difference between getting raped and getting molested?
I’m generally just tryna find out which happened to me as a child my guy and I at least gotta educate myself on the topic to determine that so please give me knowledge so I can determine what I want to know and what better way to find out than through strangers :)
Also what happened to me when I was like 2nd maybe 1st to about 3rd or 4th grade some people I know maybe raped me but I’m not too sure if that’s how you clarify the situation so is full blown penetration rape or what cause I’m a little confused
I’ve also come to realize recently that in 3rd grade I bled and thought it was my period but it never happened again so was that because of my experience or something else cause my period then occurred in 8th grade
Another thing is it’s been so long since this has happened that even the people who did it seem to have forgotten so sometimes I begin thinking it’s almost a false memory implanted to show me a bad outcome in life is this something that people go through or am I in denial? Funny thing is (if this indeed happened to me which I’m fairly certain it did), is that it probably would have gone on longer if I hadn’t thought it was wrong and told them to stop and rejected their offer and such
And another thing I believe I’ve become emotionally unstable because of what occurred for all this time I’ve intentionally blocked it from my mind until I decided as a “drunk moment” which was me taking advantage of the situation and getting it off my chest told my friends which didn’t turn out as well as I hoped, I tend to have dark thoughts about really kinda hurting everyone around me and I have to at least kill the person I’m talking to once in my head to get by I also to make sure I didn’t injure anyone used to (I haven’t done it in a while since I haven’t gotten mad recently) cut my legs to feel almost relief I guess
I’ve kept this a secret for so long that even tho I want professional help I don’t want anyone in my family to find out
So I kindly ask you strangers who will probably never find out who I truly am to sort of aid me in my personal dilemmas thank you :)