Always
Being alone isn't something I actually thought about until recently. Around 2-3 years ago I realized how alone I was. As a child I had no friends, and it would be so hard for me to be able to talk to anyone or get close. As I continued to grow older I found myself always at home having to help out. I did have people to talk to, but I could never hold a conversation and the guilt I felt would be immense and I would internally apologize for being so dumb and not interesting enough. I realized I never get close to anyone one. I'm extremely reserved and I regret telling someone anything about me. I'm a private person. Any friends that I had or have don't really know me. I'm a loner and I'm completely ok with that. I find comfort in being alone despite realizing I never actually had anyone in my life and I probably never will.
Messages
You're not the only. Even after being sorrounded by people, having great laughs, doing things together; it never fewls enough. Like there's a hole a cannot even fill, I feel like they will never understand me.
I used to be social until recently I started feeling the same as u described it sometimes I feel terrible for not being able to talk to my old friends as I used to do before so I kept on pushing everyone away, I like being alone but I'd like it if I could start conversations when needed as well.
I just wanted to tell you that you're not the only one who feel like that. I had to go through exactly what you just described. I am very reserved and private as well. I don't manage to get closer with people. They are always just casual acquaintances. So, instead of thinking of my loneliness, I focus on other things, like work or things am good at. I try to be proud of who I am. I want to be a independant person that doesn't need anyone's love, but it's still difficult at times. I wish I could get close with someone, but I don't know anyone that I actually want to talk to.
People seems to think in a total different way from mine, so I don't understand them and I don't think that they understand me either.
There are other people who are alone in this world, and that it doesn't necessarily means that they won't live a good life.
I wish that good things happens to you =)
(Sorry for the possible grammar mistakes, english is not my native language )
I feel bad for you