me venting cause I'm so inlove with my straight bestfriend

sometimes I wish I was a boy if being a boy would it make different things now? I have more chances to be with her I can give her the things that she deserve and if I could only go back in time and tell her not to date the fucking first love who made her lose her parents trust and breaking her heart then dated the same girl who kept flirting with you like bro why?? she's the most precious person very kind and sweet smart why would you break her trust I wish I never trusted him thinking he would treat my bestfriend right cause that's what she deserves but why did you make her cry she gave up everything for you but still you broke her heart and dated the person she despised the most and did you know you were the downfall of our friendship we stopped talking cause she focused on you i never complained once cause I want her to be happy do you know how it hurts everytime I dream getting married her face shows up waking up to reality I will never get a chance to kiss her and see me lifting her veil seeing the most prettiest smile and spending my life with her but I don't want her to experience what I'm experiencing right now cause she doesn't deserve any of that I mean it's probably for the best atleast she's happy and seeing her smile is enough for me I wish I can confess to her but I don't want out friendship to get more akward.