I just wantnto share. I've been in love with my friend for 7 years
I probably want someone to read this. I want to be able to convey my feelings and put an end to this.
I have been in love with my friend for 7 years. To be honest, the fact that I fell in love really surprised me. Growing up I never really felt like this for someone. I always pretend to have crushes during high school so as to not be the odd one out.
I have been in love with my friend but the thing is we're both men. I probably had that inclination growing up though but I suppressed it. After all I live in a heteronormative society. Being the first son is also a drag so I have to pretend not to like boys. But I don't think I'm gay though. I still like women. I digress.
I met him during college. He doesn't reall look cool or anything but he is actually cute and handsome. A bit effiminate though. We became friends through a student org and then became dormmates.
At first he was troublesome. I am very introverted you see. I like to keep to myself, to write about my feelings, to pretend that everything is okay. But he always tries to try to break down the walls I've built up.
The first time was when he, either intentionally or accidentally, read my journal. He was the first to compliment my writing. I was embarassed but at the same time happy. Then when I get sad he tries to make me happy with the weirdest things like bringing weird plants in his dorm room, or keeping a pet snail, or wearing riddiculous outfits, going to midnight excursions and discovering weird places in the campus, suddenly eating out way padt midnight. I was like his straightman(tsukomi). I always tell him off when he becomes too weird and he just laughs it off. We were like some comedic duo.
One time, I kept the fact that it was my birthday from people because I don't like the bother of being forced to socialize with them. When the day came, I regretted it. It was lonely. But I shrugged it off since birthdays are no big deal in my family. He called me that time asking where I was on campus. I met up with him and he gave me the very first birthday gift from someone other than my family. It was an album from some indie band. He wished me happy birthday. I wanted to cry but I didn't. It was the first. Every year he would surprise me with weird stuff like organizing a surprise party by simulating a kidnapping situation, or buying me a ticket for the musical theater show I have been waiting for.
I didn't realize how I felt about him yet at that time. I realized my feelings when I heard some rumor about him. Turns out he had a bad experience with his previous friendship. He was raped by one of our friends while he was sleeping. This made him on guard and gave him aversion to anything related to homosexuality. That rumor made my stomach drop. He stopped goingbto our student org and started isolating himself from others well except from me. For some reason he felt safe with me.
At that moment, we became close. We would always eat together, sometimes our groceries are mixed up, watch movies together, stay late nights together. And yet, I felt his loneliness from time to time. That was when I realized something. It was the first time I wished for somebody else's happiness more than my own. I knew I was in love. But as my feelings grew, so has my fear. I wanted him to be happy but if I became too greedy I would probably hurt him. Since I knew walls are useless against him, I drew a line. I think he drew one as well. There was a time he wanted to say something to me. He was saying that I mean a lot to him but he's afraid. He never explained what he was afraid of. I knew that asking would end our friendship so I never asked. Not once.
Eventually he got better, he even forgave the person who wronged him and now he has a lot of friends than ever before. I was happy for him but we drifted apart. I knew I was boring him. So we made different groups of friends. I mean we still talk to each other but for some reason the lines became walls. I would remember him talking about other guys enthusiastically and it would make my heart hurt.
Even as the years passed, I still think about him and love him. And it hurts. I want to eventually move on from this. I hope someday I get to move on. I've been avoiding him recently. I know he probably does not care about me though. And that's fine. That is how it should be after all.
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Brother I don’t know u but I really wish u happiness and I hope u get out of ur unhealthy habits
That is so sad. As for me I always told people I was straight until I met my friend, as we grew closer I've noticed my feelings. She's a girl I'm a girl I hope everything turns out alright. It's even worse because me and her always tell each other we love each other and recently we stopped saying "no homo" we are still close I don't want to get separated as high school is approaching we are not going to the same high school but hopefully we don't drift apart.
fell for my roommate too(bi, inclination toward men ).. I could definitely feel more than just mere friendship affection from her but we never really confessed to each other except the casual occasional "i love you". I almost confessed but didn't cause I knew the outcome..took more than 3 years to get over her. Now I am completely numb about the whole thing..in a very peaceful place right now..
I hope you find happiness and that you don't feel discouraged, being in love can be both great and awful but the most important thing is that you keep on loving others and yourself.
You're a strong person.
I can relate on some level but, I was in love- well I liked this girl, she was my childhood friend and I started liking her pretty quickly. . . it all started on my birthday, it wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst me and my family pretty much just ate and talked. A few days past my birthday she (with her father and little brother) she came over to ask me if I wanted to come over sometime to watch a movie since she missed my birthday, I was kinda surprised I think it's what made me start developing feelings for her. Usually none of my friends cared about my birthday, but somehow she did. On the day I went to her house it was pretty awkward at first, she was finishing up some math homework. . . she came up to me and asked what snacks should we make for the movie, we exchanged ideas and started cooking up some things. After the food was done we took a small break to exchange some movie ideas. . . she wanted to watch a movie that I liked, I told her I liked horror movies, but she didn't, it was kind of adorable that she was afraid of those kinds of movies. . . sometime passed and eventually we didn't watch a movie. We played some games on her phone, and she even started suggesting we record to make memories. Of course I was embarrassed and didn't really like being on camera, but she encouraged me with her words so I did it. ((also sorry I didn't add this, while we were in the kitchen we asked her if she liked gays or if she thought it was weird, she said she didn't because they stop the population of humanity and I guess I agreed with her, but deep inside I was kind of hurt, but she made me stumble upon words and she made me flustered at times, I couldn't dislike her)) After that day we said our goodbyes and we haven't met up since. . .((Sorry that this story was bad and my writing is horrible lol (づ￣ ³ ￣)づ bai)
I can't really give you any advise, but i kinda want to support you, so good luck is guess? It must be hard, but i'm sure you'll figure it out. I wish you happiness!
hey, i know it's hard. sometimes, what we thought about what someone's might feel, might not exactly be what they really felt. unless, that is what they said. I've lost friendship too, it's hurt, can't denied it. this is all because of communication. something happened, she stop talking first, and i regret for not fixing it.. i regret for not trying to make any effort of saving that friendship. i don't know if i am able to give you any good advice, but love yourself more, you are worthy of everything you have been through. stop judging yourself, clear your mind and start to do something, even if it is little. friendship that hold onto sympathy is fragile. when you start looking back to the good old days, then you know it is not going well now. you got to decide for yourself what is the best action you can take because you know him, and you were once close to him. but, don't do something you will regret.. or don't regret later for not doing something.. wound can be heal. trust yourself a little bit more and have faith.
It's almost scary how much I relate to this story. To summarize, I was in love with my best friend in college/ dorm mate (Im bi but usually attracted to men). She did a surprise birthday party for me with all our friends when not even my family ever did more than say "happy birthday", and she wrote me a really sweet letter. I still think of that day as the best day of my life. We literally spent every day together, like the whole day when we weren't in class/ at a part time job. At night we'd go out with our group but during the day it was just us. Every time we had to leave each other to do something, we did the "I love you- I love you more- not possible" thing. It was a running joke that we were dating. We were always cuddling. We used pet names. You get the idea. The story varies from yours in that one day she was drunk and told me she was in love me while crying and I took it seriously/ realized my feelings. Everything kinda went to hell from there. It took me a year to 100% get over it, but the first three months were the worst. What helped me the most was being with other people and having fun, because that's what kept me from thinking about her all the time/ helped me move on. Everyone has a different pace but one day you'll fully move on too/ maybe find someone else.