Hi :) Looking for some mediocre entertainment?

I wrote too much. Summarized, I cried during a track meet because my teammates made sure I wasn't a part of their activities.

A little embarrassing but I hope this can help someone. In high school, the girls of my varsity track team formed an extremely tight-knit friend group. Granted, I was excluded. They all wore similar clothing and had similar interests. Their favorite interest was to gossip.

Every day, before we reached the usual spot to start our practice run, two of my teammates would bash and laugh at the awkward people they encountered that day. Or they would swear and curse a teacher or another classmate that angered them. My other teammates would usually chime in and agree enthusiastically.

Their behavior proved their immaturity and I was somewhat grateful that I wasn't a part of their toxic circle. But even if I was better off without their company, it was still very lonely. The teammate that usually ran with me had moved to another state and I had to run alone. Running 6 or 7 miles alone is not easy, especially if you run into your teammates chatting and laughing in their close-knit group.

It felt awful but they always reminded me of a bunch of peacocks.

Everyone in the clique was a distance runner, and usually ran events that were longer than 400 meters. Our distance team was very small, and we all carried over from cross country to run distance events during winter track and summer track.

This meant that our small group of distance runners saw each other year-round. It's obvious that we would feel kinship with the other distance runners. But this kinship was really nothing. In the end I was still intimidated and couldn't connect with my teammates.

My shyness made me quiet, and since my eyes look extremely fierce, they were intimidated by me too. I really don't want to bring in appearance as a factor of someone liking you or not, but if you have a bad case of RBF and you're quiet, say ADIOS to people coming up to you on their own accord.

There was an incident during my Junior year of spring track, where I had reprimanded my teammate too harshly. It was during this time that the gossip queen reached out to me and took a liking to my docile character. She complimented my quiet voice, saying that it was soothing, and for the first time in the 2 years we had known each other let me run with her.

I ran with her and her buddies. But nothing good came out of it.

Haha she really was a gossip queen. After reprimanding her about running too fast during our run the day before a big competition, she ranted to the entire team about how annoyed and angered she was by me. She never spoke to me about her hurt feelings but instead turned to my other teammates and painted me as a villain.

Very childish.

I was frozen in place in the locker room while she talked behind my back. Bewildered.

What should I have done? There was no need to get into an unnecessary fight when I could just let her keep ranting and make herself look more like the fool she was.

Once she left the locker room, I approached the teammate that had to witness her tantrum. I couldn't help but say that if she has an issue with me, she needs to chat with me instead.

In short, I was the outcast for the rest of the season and we never spoke to each other again. My other teammates actively avoided me. I was petty, and made sure to beat her by a good chunk in all the races we had. If she had to run her mouth then it's only fair I run her over.

I couldn't bare the feeling anymore and cried at a track meet. Yo it was so embarrassing. I thought I was being discrete but my dumbass was sitting in the middle of the field where my entire team was coming and going. Then the infamous sprinter girl saw me and said "Why is everyone crying today?"

When I say I cried harder. Damn. My eyes had hurt.

My God blessed coach pulled me aside. She didn't pry too hard before I spilled out the falling out and not even being able to be near the distance girls.

Well, she talked to the girls and as you would expect, treated me less coldly. Everyone besides that gossip girl may not have been purposefully acting coldly but they still avoided me nonetheless.

All was good and well, except I was less noticeably avoided. Like goddamn, I know I don't talk a lot but does that make me the Black Plague? The only thing y'all are gonna catch is nothing, nothing but dead brain cells.

People are different. Duh.

And it's not your fault you don't want to approach someone who looks mean. And if you are a person that looks mean, it's also not your fault that you look mean. It's unfortunate, but there are people who look effortlessly sweet and friendly, unlike us.

RBF for the win. Helps avoid stupid psychos that only care about the appearance and can even make a thick-skinned piece of shit like me cry.

The loneliness I felt during those 2 years of isolation will never be forgotten. Haha but at least I can get a good laugh about it.

And here sweetie, a gold heart for you <3