do you ever miss your childhood?

in my opinion, it's the worst thing i could ever feel. if you miss a person you can see them, if you miss someone who's not here anymore you can visit their grave and think they are in a better place but missing the times when you were a little kid who knew nothing sucks. you can't go back to those times, you can't experience the thing for the first time ever again. i remember the times when my mom used to sing me to sleep, when i came back from school and watched fnaf theories, trying to make windows to my dirt hut in minecraft, going out and making new friends with self confidence, having fun, laughing like crazy, not thinking about tomorrow, school, work, what people wilk think about you, the only pain you know is the pain when you fell, you don't overthink, you don't cry quietly in your room and many more things. i feel like there is no meaning to life anymore, everything is always the same, i have no goals, i feel trapped inside myself and we will all die anyways. when i was younger the meaning was to grow up, but now that i grew up, it has no meaning. i miss the old me. i miss the times when i felt real and really had fun. now i feel like all my feelings are fake, even if i'm crying right now or laughing an another time, it's as if all of it is fake. i wish i was still a little kid who didn't have to worry about anything.

i'm sorry for being noisy, i just felt the need to tell someone about how i feel. i'm sorry if it bothered any of you. goodnight.