I really, really miss my grandpa

My grandpa died when I was 9 . Precisely , he died five days after my 9th birthday , on March 9th . And no matter how many days , weeks , months or years passed the pain that was caused by his death still felt too fresh .
Maybe it's this way because the 2 of us were very close . No matter who I asked , they never seemed too hurt or sad over their grandparents deaths .
We shared too many precious moments . When I was born , he planted walnut tree behind our house and bunch of acacia trees in front of my bedroom window . The walnut tree now overtowers many houses and acacia trees form small hirst and have the sweetest scent when they are in bloom . It looks like a paradise and it was one when he was alive , playing with me no matter how he was sick , telling me stories , e.g. Aska i vuk (Aska and the Wolf) , Ako je verovati mojoj baki (If you could believe my grandmother) , Cvrčak i mrav (Cricket and an ant) , Bio sam mudar kritičar bakine i dekine Crvenkape (I was wise critic of my grandparent's Red Ridding Hood) ... and all good stories that I knew thanks to him even before we learnt it at school . I cry just by hearing those titles ....
He was the only who really liked my name , even though even I hated it . It isn't ugly , just unusual in my country . But he liked it nonetheless and made sure to call me by my name even in front of people who was appalled by it . Since he was very respected , nobody dared to comment . And even when he called me by nicknames , they always were bright and warm like Rada (name derived from Radost which means joy) , Slađa or Slađana (names derived from word slatko which means sweet) and similar .
Since he died nobody called me by these nicknames nor my name , they always shorten it , to make it less awkward for them when they have to call me for whatever reason ...
I lived with him for 2 years , believe it or not , away from my parents at age 5 and 6 before I went to school (When I was small you could go to school at age 7 or rarer , at 6 . Now you have to start at age 5) . Because I was left-handed . At that time it was almost a curse of devil . My parents tried to make me use pen with my right hand . It was fruitless . When he saw that I was suffering , my grandpa got angry and took me with him . He told me to use my left hand when I draw and try to write . When I got back to my parents' house (and only because my school was sooo much closer to their house) and started going to school , my teacher didn't mind that . She said that my parents could seriously damage my brain by making me doing something that I couldn't do naturally aka use pen with my right hand . And so through all school , both primary and high school and also university some teachers and professors were angry because I was left handed , others tried to understand .
When I was living with him , I felt as I was in a fairytale . Whole village was circled by huge forest with many animals . We saw rabbits , squirrels , hedgehogs at daily basis . And let's not talk about birds , I never in my whole life saw so many different kind birds . We had bunch of hedgehogs in our cellar and nest of baby swallows that kept returning to us when they had grown up . My grandpa helped me feed those funny and adorable hedgehogs and teached me how to pet them . We saw foxes , wolves , wild boars , we followed their footprints in wet ground and snow . He caught me once a rabbit to pet and free afterward . 'Cause they are lonely and sad when they can't run freely , as he said . He was first to say that I look like a sparrow would if it turned into a human . He was the one who gave that nickname that I liked the most - Vrapčić (Mali Vrabac , in eng. Little Sparrow) .
Once I could've been killed by a bear . I didn't listen to him , I went too far into the forest , using my cousin's visit to escape secretly . It was spring , time when they wake up and wander through the forest . Snow was still everywhere . I didn't pay attention until it was towering above me . I was petrified and fascinated at the same time . The bear was so black and somehow the scarse sunlight made its eyes glow like they were coloured in darkest blue . My grandpa found me by following my footprints in a snow . He wanted to shoot it , but I begged him not to . It wasn't bear's fault that I was stupid . So my grandpa just stood , with rifle , fighting between my wish and his fear . Bear sniffed cold air twice and just left . It left me petrified and with numerous nightmares even now . Since then my grandpa was my only hero , as cliche as that sounds .


Now I'm just very cold and no matter how much I stand by a fireplace , no matter how much I stand bathing in a warm sunlight , I'm cold . Only his smile could possibly warm me up now . I decided that , when I have children with my fiance after we marry , that I'll name my son after him , if I give a birth to a son that is . It is also kind of tradition in my country . If you want your child to be like your grandma or grandpa (or great grandparent) you name it after him/her . It is very fitting .