im really ugly. Inside and out. Rant cus i feel depressed and wanna cheer up

Sorry, i hate myself so much that id rather get a new body or reincarnate. This is a rant about myself and i just wanna exercise mt thumbs and inner thoughts.

Inside, im a manipulative bitch. I get on wveryone good side and then use them to my advantage. I borrow way too much shit that i almost never return. Im not organized. Im way too shy around people and i am antisocial irl. I can never form words correctly so I always sound like a dumbass. I need more practice having a conversation because i never can find times that match with even my family's schedule. I want to blame them for not caring, but it seems j didnt care about myself first.

I have acne and acne scars everywhere. I have sensitive, dry, itchy skin that hates water, but loves bad stuff apparently. I have enlarged pores that are never not visible (and it sucks cus I have trypophobia) and a discolored scar patch under my lip that looks like a failed goatee or a permanent shadow, and it wont go away.

I have too much testosterone, so I grow a faint but visible mustache and my natural talking voice clocks in at D#3/Eb3 (anyone who wanna hear the pitch:https://youtu.be/xpiaxQcUTiU). So im always mistaken for a dude.

My face is not symmetrical and it always looks like im in disgust when i see pictures of me talking or smiling. I cant smile cus my teeth have a gap. When i did smile genuinely and widely at my graduation, my grad partner said to smile. Haha.... i cant smile even. I have short face syndrome where my philantrum is short (i can tkuch my tongue to the tip of my nose). My lips are big and asymmetrical thanks to my asymmetrical jaw. Hoping mewing helps it.

My skin is tan. Dark enough to not fit in with the caucasians, light enough to not fit in with dark skinned people. Im mixed black and white but i dont fit in with either group because both groups find me disgusting or my experiences dont matter cus my skin isnt dark or light enough. Yes ppl told me that.

My fashion sense is shit. I dont have enougb money to buy clothes that I want but the clothes my mom gets me are wacky or past their time. I wish i could just get blazers and black pants everyday, but i have no money. I have no skills.

No wonder people dont like me. Lmao. This is why i have no motivation to do anything. My hygiene was pretty bad but its getting back to normal, but my sleep is still wack.

People told me a couple days ago after a speech that I have matured and i turned out beautiful. But you knkw what? Those were empty words. They couldnt even look at me when they were saying it— i watched. Some even microshook their head when they said it.

I fucking hate myawlf and my body. I want a dermatologist but im too fucking poor and skilless to get a job.

What a loop and bind im in. Haha.

Also pls, i dont need your pity comments unless you are willing to help me correct this shit. Ive heard it all my life but my brain deflects your forced kindness.