Hey guys!

I would just like to start out that I hate no actually despise my older brother :) it's like anything I do is wrong but what I get most angry about is myself because I allow my brain to convince me that he's not that bad because he'll do something awful right and then like for the next few days he'll be nice so I'm like 'okay maybe it was me maybe he's not that bad' but then when he does it again all that anger from the past times he's done it comes rushing back :)) take note this has been happening for years I have YEARS of anger piled on top of each other and I'm starting to lose control of it it's come to the point where even just looking at him those intrusive thoughts come in such as "what if I just get rid of him?" And much worse than that I'm actually getting deeply concerned with my own self thankfully though I don't think about it all of the time just when I see him which is most of the time now that he lost his job so- I've decided to figure out ways to piss him off starting with pouring over half of his shampoo and body wash down the sink and it actually dulled my anger towards him quite a bit knowing he'll be so mad wondering why his almost full body wash body was barely full I want other subtle things to piss him off but I'm not sure what else I could do that wouldn't put my life in danger OH BUT THE FUNNY THING IS HE STILL WANTS ME TO COOK FOR HIM!? Then askes me how to do laundry yet proceeds to say I don't know how to do anything? OKAY BUD