Was in love with older man (one-sided)

It's just my experience at how i got my first crush, i met him at our family praying activity when i was at kindergarten and i definitely in love with him immediately and i even told my mom that i like him.

But as a 5 years old kid me, my mom think of it as only a passing affection because the man is very handsome. But because i met him almost everyday (like 4 days in a week) the small affection grow even stronger.

The man is 12 years old older than i am, i thought that my affection to him won't last that long but BOY i was wrong so badly.

When i enter highschool i love him so much to the point i swear to my self that if until highschool graduation i still like him this much, i want to courage my self to asked my parents to let me propose him (Yup, I'm really that serious) and even told my sister about it.

My sister had told me to think it over because our age differences is huge but after a year thought about it, I'm still as serious.

I train my self to be able to do housewife chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry and etc for almost 3 years.

But unfortunately for me, 5 months before my graduation the man married to a woman who 3 years younger than him.

At that time I was 18 and the man is 30, and for the first time in my life I had broken heart.

I cried for more than a week and shocked my parents when they know the reason (my sister told them at the end)

My mom told me that it's no way at first but after watching me crying so much from broken heart, at the end my mom say "If you're really that serious you should have told me and your dad, we probably can talk about it with his parents and see if he want to marry you and willing to wait"

But by the time my mom said that it's already too late.

I lose function for almost 2 weeks because i lose my crush i had liked for 13 years but I can't really stay in sadness because the final exam is near. After all, my life still goes on even without him.

Now I'm a 22 years old collage student, to be honest I'm still trying to for get him. I don't want to liking a man with wife and a child. I don't want to be a bitch.

But sometimes, i still cried thinking that if only i born earlier, maybe... Just maybe he can be mine.