My Worst Sin
when i was five years old there was a neighbour that would come over to my backyard to play with me and my sister. and this guy, I super liked and i would do anything for. do yyou see where I'm going with this? So one day he said 'lets play a game'. And of course I responded with 'what type of game?'. He looked me straight in the eye and said "a game where whenever I want you to you'll show me your" *points to his private part. I cannot believe that I was manipulated so easily. I said okay.
"Make sure she doesn't tell anyone"
"*sister's name* this has to stay a secret okay?
* nods*
So whenever he would look me in the eye we would go to a place where you can't see from any window or door and i would pull down my bottoms. Occasionally he would ask to see up there but I was five years old. This is just getting started. On several of these ocasions he would stuff leaves from a nearby bush into my crack. Right on the hole. 'Wasn't your sister there' she was and she knew it was wrong. But in my naive little brain I thought it was okay. So every time she tried to tell my dad i would stop her. One day she actually told my after the guy told me he had a crush on a different girl and he still wanted to see my area. My dad didn't think much of it because I told him it was a lie. Eventually I stopped going outside and he stopped too. Then he moved away and I never saw him again. This has scarred me so much I afraid of opening up to other people. Afraid they'll betray me so I always analyze people,think the worst. I even distanced myself from my family the ones who tried to help me. I feel like such a disgusting person.
Messages
i donno if it is sin or not let god decide that....but u did not initiate the action nor do u enjoy recalling the action......at 5 u r a kid so i think u kept ur faith on elders and believed them..........the people around u did not help u realising or stop the guy from molesting u,i think they are the bad ones.......please stop recalling it ,please think what u did then will no longer affect ur current life....u have to move on....u can get pshycological counselling......focus on present......let past be past....be happy u have had enough regret ......if u still feel bad or sad just focus ur energy on social work or fighting for child rights, i m sure u will be blessed by god .turn ur weakness into strength...all the best
it was not your fault he's a disgusting person i'm so angry right now that's why exist laws against that kind of person, that's why i don't read or approve anything that have a minor on it because it feeds that sick persons fantasie and they go attack children i caught a 30 year old man in the act abusing a 3 year old who was screaming for her live and i still shake till this day just remember it i was only 8 and i screamed very loud and told my mother but he ran away i feel so sorry for that girl but today that's behind her BECAUSE IS NOT HER FAULT AND IS NOT YOURS TOO don't let that pervert take another second of your life he don't deserve it ... sorry for my english not my language
I'm pretty sure you won't believe me, but I'll say this anyway because it is the truth. That sin is on him. NOT on you. Stop blaming the victim. You were innocent and trusting and he took advantage of you. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong.
You’re not disgusting. You’re not at fault. You were only 5 years old, when you’re 5 you’re basically a baby and barely know anything! You barely know words and numbers, so there’s no way you could have understood the idea of pedophiles and child molesters! When you’re a child, you’re taught to listen to and obey adults. So you trying to keep it a secret because he told you to and lying to your parents is not something you should blame yourself for. You didn’t know any better.
Even if he was closer to your age, you just thought you were playing. You had no idea that something was wrong with the situation. You don’t have critical thinking skills yet and don’t understand “why” private parts are kept private. It’s not your fault. IT’S NOT YOUR SIN. it’s the sin of the guy who made you do it, if he knew that he was doing something wrong.
Today, you’re older and wiser. You may not be perfect but you have a better idea of what’s right and wrong. I know it’s hard to trust people, but listen to your gut. If you wouldn’t blame a good friend or family member for doing the same thing, then you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.
How old was this guy?
Anyway, whatever his age, this wasn’t your fault. You were only FIVE, you were innocent. Practically a baby. Even if you kinda knew you shouldn’t do it, five years olds can’t be held responsible for having the self-restraint to say no. Besides, kids at that age are very body curious. It’s natural.
That being said, I can understand your feelings of guilt. Something similar happened to me when I was a kid but possibly worse and I’m still haunted by it decades later, even though I was just as young and couldn’t fully grasp what I was doing.
When you find yourself thinking about what happened just tell yourself that you were ONLY five. I’m not disgusted with you. Only immature people wouldn’t understand that a kid that young doesn’t know any better.