might be my last post for tonight unless i get inspired
This might be long, so if you're not into serious posts, don't interact <3
I need feedback on something. I'm saying this as if I am doubting myself but I just have to be sure about something. This for my good hearted queens on here who are willing to give their opinion (queen is used as a gender neutral term here btw) <3
I'm making a webtoon. At first I wanted it to be a novel but I soon realized There were somethings I'd rather see in a manga, webtoon, or anime. So that's why I decided to make it into a webtoon. I'm still writing the story normally to help me translate it better. I can't draw and I am hoping to stumble upon a good artist who is willing to work with me on my project.
My story is very complicated. So complicated in fact, that even I, as the author of the story, cannot explain the plot to anyone who asks. Hell, I can't even find a name for the story. I took me 5 years to complete every ark in my head from start to finish and I still have shit to add. Imagination, am I right?
Anyway, enough with that. That's the least important part. The more important part starts now, the thing I need feedback on.
I wrote a character to be very edgy. Not like a "I'm so emo" type of edgy. More like a dark and mysterious type of edgy. When I first imagined his character I didn't see some happy go lucky guy who was smiling all the time. So I made him angsty and never showing emotions.
I think his personality could be compared to Xiao from Genshin Impact or Levi from Attack on Titan. If you know the lore behind the two, especially Xiao, you might know where I'm going with this.
I've been wondering If I've been too harsh on him. And I need feedback on that. Let me explain:
First of all, he is Jewish, living in Germany in the 1900. Not a very good start. His mother was a prostitute, he's the son of one of her clients. Thankfully they were both adopted into a nice welcoming family that loved them both greatly, they had a son who was the same age as him.
When Elijah was a little kid, he would cry alot. His mother told him once that crying was for the weak and that he was a strong person. Which translated to strong people do not cry. This didn't really age well and stuck with him for a long time in a bad way.
When he was four, his mom died reading him a story with him sitting on her lap. He didn't react, he just kept telling himself "strong people do not cry".
Second of all, at the age of 13, he's getting harrassed and bullied for being jewish and an orphan. His brother Alexei, who's a brute who gets into fights all the time, always hangs around him trying to fight the people who bully him. He didn't have any friends except Alexei. One day he does find a friend. At first he was hesistant but their relationship grew stronger. Untill one day he finds a crowd surrounding the tree they were always at, with that same best-friend hanging by a rope. He doesn't react, he just turns around and walks back home, repeating to himself "strong people do not cry".
Third of all, he and Alexei illegally enrolled in WW1 at the age of 14. Shortly after they arrive, they are informed that their home town was bombed, resulting in the killing of both of their parents. Alexei cried for days. All Elijah could do was say "strong people do not cry" to himself.
When he was 15, he met a boy from france who was a year older than him. They developped a romantic relationship with eachother, if though the boy was from the ennemis side. The boy, Jean, was a prisoner of war Elijah was tasked to survey day and night.
One day some other soldiers found out about his relationship with him and decided to take it into their own hands. They shot Jean to death in front of Elijah before shouting him to death too. Alexei tried protecting Elijah by sacrificing himself but ended up dying in the process.
Elijah does meet Jean in the Underworld thankfully, and they develop a very strong relationship over there. But their fantasy is short lived when Jean informs Elijah that he will be leaving to the Overworld to start his reincarnation process (it's a fantasy action type story, Elijah dies but that's only the begginning of his story). Elijah has to say goodbye to Jean forever because he doesn't know when he'll see him again. Jean promised him he'd come back somehow.
Elijah did get a chance to go the the Overworld but when he tries looking for Jean, he is nowhere to be found. All Elijah can do is just fall on the floor holding himself trying not not cry while repeating "strong people do not cry"
Lastly, Alexei almost dies during a fight. When Elijah is standing in front of his corpse like body, he's trying so hard not to cry. He keeps reapting that awful sentence that his damaging his emotional health. Fortunately, Alexei isn't dead. Unfortunately, Elijah did not cry.
However, His boyfriend Benjamin does die trying to sacrifice himself by protecting Elijah. Ben's dead body is slowly dissapearing, and Elijah is just standing over it, watching as it slowly seeps into inexistance. For a second, He rethinks about the phrase he'd repeat himself in those kinds of situations, but ends up falling down to his knees. But he is tired, so this is the only time in hundreds of years he's actually cried. He's crying so hard in fact, it made everyone on the battle-field stop whatever they were doing. Elijah forgot how to cry. His whimps sound harsh and painful, it's like a mixture of screaming and crying. Everyone is just watching in horror as Elijah is tearing down like a waterfall.
So that's basically that part of his story. I was just thinking that maybe he's been throught way too fucking much. His mom dying, his bestfriend dying, his first love dying, him loosing his first love again, his current boyfriend dying...
I was thinking of giving him a dog sp that I could kill it off later on.
Is that too much? Am I being too hard on him? should I let him breath? This is important for his character arc tho.
I feel like I'm isayama 2.0