The beginning is very abrupt. It jumps right into it without giving it a little time to develop. The sentences are choppy and you have several discrepancies. On the first slide you put that she was trained in 47 languages, but then you listed types of martial arts. You put that if she got 80-90% on her test, she would get lashes. You did not mentio...... 2 reply
it kinda reminds me of fanfics I used to make... anyway, I suggest explaining the training and parents a little more like why is the dad training her to be an assassin? Why did he want to fix her with mechanical parts? What happened to the mother/how did she feel about the training? What did the tests consist of? You could also try explaining the g...... reply
I'm only good at grammar corrections but I'll try
1. comma after miserable instead of a period
2. Instead of as maybe use when, since we're in past tense
3. It depends on what you're trying to go for, like maybe a mystery, but could you explain why they did what they did to "fix" her?
4. The alien technology is a bit sudden, maybe explain more on ...... reply
