Friend to ENDS

When i was 9 years old we move to our relatives house and i change school too near my relatives place. I was grade 5 when i totally change school because i might not be transferred if i change 4th grading period. From the first day of class i got a friend there named Rose i'm close with her and there's also transfer that time her named his hanna. she has shoulder length hair and it's dark black, she's a quiet and timid girl that time. when we graduated in elementary school she change school, i mean both of them. But when i'm on my fourth year high school i didn't know that they gonna be my school mates. i'm shock when i'm not the same year with hanna. i only heard late that he stop and came back to school that's why she's become 3rd year high school. Not all of that, the girl who used to be quiet and timid are talkative now and she changed her hair like a boys cut even her gender that she is not a girl but a boy. although he changed he gender in school she always wear a uniform for girl. On our 3rd grading period, she confess to me that she likes me wayback elementary days but because she transfer she can't confess. because she's my friend i accept her confession. whenever our monthsary came, i always gave her chocolate and letters, She is my first kiss, i always go to her house. We kiss but more than that never happen because when she top of me i got scared so she tell me that "don't worry i won't attack you, we're only kissing". I bring them to our house (rose and hanna). i know my father against with gay and lesbian people being a friends like they are no good to be with but my mom is understanding she don't care what the gender person is because my mom is so kind and a friendly person. i remember that i never told anyone hanna and i are going out. actually my father slap me in the face when i got home late because i'm with hanna that time in their house. i'm 4 hours late to come home that's why my father mad at me. Yes it's good to be going out with your friends but for me it's not. it's like i'm deceiving my parents that time. We got cool off on our 4th monthsary. on 5th, we broke up and make up. coz i heard that she still love her ex.when i ask her to break she didn't want. On our 6th monthsary we fought. 2 weeks after i met an acquaintance of my friend. She knows hanna. actually she's her church mate. She tell me that the reason why she broke me up last time is because i'm not good in kissing. i'm pissed of her reason that's why i officially break up with her without giving a fuck. it's hurt my ego. she my fucking first kiss of course i'm not good at it. but oh well after we broke up i distance myself and after 2 months,i heard she and her ex are officially going out again. i guess her ex are good at kissing and she loved her more than me, i'm just substitute because her ex has bf that time. maybe i'm just substitute. So, i cut off any connection i have from her. after 5 months my friend rose know that hanna and i have relationship in the past. i guess hanna spill the beans. rose try to make me make up with hanna but that time i cannot. she even told rose that she loved me and want me back but my heart already shattered to pieces, day by day the loved i have for her faded. My trust also broke into pieces. whatever she say i can't believe that's why i realized that it's a bad thing to be together or dating your friend. coz the memories you have in friends cannot be back because of some painful memories.

Ps. i don't have against about friends to lovers even i have painful past about that.