i hate my self for not standing up for my self

hi i just wanted to share how i got bullied and i just stood up there looking like a clown like i can defend my self but my past self choosed not. to everyone in the class shipped me and my bully like bitch do u know how many traumas he gave me and now ur shipping us? am i a joke to u i simply say i just wanna say that i wanna get revenge on him if i ever see that hoe i will push him and drag him i hate my past self for just only punching him why didnt i kick him or maybe kick his stomach so he will suffocate ok thats all yay