Vent I’ll probably delete later lmao

I don’t have a journal anymore cause it was on my phone and it broke so I guess I’ll make an unsuspecting person uncomfortable by over sharing on the internet :)

Tw: molesting, incest, etc. lmao

We recently (around 3 weeks ago) kicked out my brother when it came out that he molested me and my sisters many times each, I ended up being the one who basically was the reason my brother was kicked out and even though he did that to me it still weighs on me. My thoughts are always, “why did I have to do it?” “It wasn’t that serious anyway” “I ruined his life.” And even though he’s done many things to deserve the worst, I still feel bad because my parents still care about him. Even though he’s hurt me and my sisters. Like I understand that he’s your son, but what about us? Through all the bullshit he’s put them through and how many times he’s freaked and shit. He doesn’t deserve the love. The care.

Yesterday he got caught smuggling people, he’s about to go to jail for it. And I’ve honestly lost the ability to care. I’ve lost it long ago. I’m tired of thinking maybe he’ll change. We were going to get him a psych hospital. We offered him help. Even when he did all the shit he did.

It feels like shit.

My dad went through the same thing with another person, it wasn’t his family but he got touched too. I thought maybe he would understand. But he’s never been touched by his family so he can’t understand, he thinks that even after everything my brother has done I’d still have sympathy for my brother,I don’t. I don’t care if he died in jail. I don’t care if they rape and abuse him and hurt him in ways he can’t recover. I don’t care that he’s not right in the head. I stopped caring when I caught him jerking off in my room RECENTLY. I’m a minor. He’s 21.

No Dad. Him being my brother doesn’t change anything. When you asked me if I could kill him, I replied no. But honestly. Some days I want to. It’s worse that he’s my brother honestly. Then I would have people telling me that I’ll eventually forgive him. That even after everything he’s still my Brother. He’s supposed to protect me. To hell with that sibling bullshit. I don’t consider him my sibling. I don’t consider him anything to me anymore. I don’t care about him. When I use to watch gore videos, it helped to know that they weren’t my family, that it wasn’t anyone I cared about. But now I imagine him in those scenarios and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I’m tired. I want it all to stop. I want to just die and be fine with everything.

UHM ANYWAYS LMAO