I was the toxic one

It has been a long time ago, I was very toxic and selfish, I always envy everything and everyone, thinks highly of myself. Once when we moved out I gained some friends one of them is like very pretty and famous, kinda nice but is also bitchy. I also got more friends because of her and once she got angry to me because I did not accompany her when she wants to poop on schools cr, and we didn't talk for days. Then this friend of her asked me why she can't see us together anymore and asked me if she is hiding a secret or some. I got carried by my emotions and jealousy so I told her everything even things that are just made up to ruin her reputation, I did not realize what I did till this friend of her blackmailed me. I am still regretting what I did, I want to say sorry to her but I do not have the courage to, I hope before I die I got to say her how sorry I am, I do not need to be forgiven, I just want to say sorry for what I did.