Now I do

I didn't cry when I was younger and for years; I was so tense every single second, I had troubles sleeping, eating, being around ppl. I couldn't just relax and shed any tears. I also wasn't able to recognize I had a right to feel frustrated by situations, so I rather felt guilty when I needed to cry over something. I solely thought I had to act cold towards myself in order to survive.

But more than one year ago, it totally changed all. My illness brought new symptoms and I'm now experiencing feeling drunk even though I don't drink XD

So I'm honest with my feelings now.
I feel it when I'm reading ReStart from Harada. I'm scared cause I see my condition getting a little worse year after year, but now I at least am able to express myself.

Well, I don't really have a choice since a lot of tears just drop by themselves and I can't do much whenever it happens, but hurry and find tissues not to get my keyboard drown XD
But I prefer it now. I can relax more, consider myself as important more, and listen to my feelings more cause they just overflow. And I'm happier even so.