I watched a "YURI" and everything's dark

So I just watched a japanese tv drama, my first one ever, and maaan do I wish I spent a day studying instead. "Yuri or another". It killed me almost as much as "Blue is the warmest color" and that shit fucking scarred me for life.

I want to at least escape reality of not being able to be in a relationship, but lesbian (OR ANOTHER) media seems to like kicking me when I'm already down. When it makes me happy, it makes me REALLY happy, like messy crying happy, with movies like "Imagine me & you" and "Kajillionaire" and manga "Run away with me girl", "Partition" etc, but so many more times it left me sad, dissapointed and angry, so I don't have much energy left for it really.

But still, today, instead of studying, I decide on a whim to seek after an asian lesbian romantic drama! And I seem to find one - and I'm being careful, mind you, since there's no GL tag or anything, but it has a Romance one and two girls touching faces on the cover, it seems promising.

At first I cringe haaard at unrealistic writing and unconvincing acting, but girls are cute, everything screams LESBIAN and I find myself smiling widely, screeching exitedly, and yes, my eyes are tearing up bc that happens when I'm happy or exited or see something cute. They kiss and I do a happy dance. And I've seen enough of such love stories to know that after kissing/closeness is when shit comes down, so I can feel the dark cloud looming, but then they kiss again and I feel prepared. But no.

They both ended up with men. There never was anything exept friendship beetween them. It's just that their friendship is kind of weird, and they kiss, but friends sometimes kiss each other, I guess? Even tho I would never randomly start kissing my friends.

I was played hard, queerbated, you could say. And my tool of escapeism ended up being more dissappointing then my fucking non-existent love life. That I've at least acsepted as hopeless. Where has my day gone? Σ( ￣□￣||)