Cant care about grades anymore
I've always been a straight A student( in our country, I mean all of my grades are 90+). I had always been pressured since I have to maintain my spot as with honors since Im the smartest of us all siblings and work hard so i wont get left behind.
Well that was it before but suddenly this school year I just cant anymore? At first I probably still, but slowly I lost my care. Back then,a single mistake makes me lose my shit but now, I just laugh it off? I failed math last grading and even got called out by the teacher since I took the exam in advance yet I just brushed it off and say "Oh well, time to go back drawing I guess". I feel like Im wasting my parent's money but at the same time Im happier like this. I feel more carefree.I dont get stressed and experience heart attacks when taking exams anymore.
Is it alright? Am I even doing the right thing?
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Messages
To be honest I relate to you. I only started working hard when I started grade 9 I lose weight started working out Studied late at night sometimes I dont even sleep since I dont feel like I deserve to rest until I make up for what I lacked from the previous years of being incompetent. So I got better and unhealthily improved. In less than a month I lose close to a 20kg weight after constant puking and medications that made death closer to me I collapsed more than a dozen times that month. I got smarter but my change of behaviour and personality of being a cheerful and outgoing person changed to something hostile or paranoid due to lack of rest. But what happened is that no matter what I did I only managed to get my spot as the second best student in our class. This disappointed me so much I felt like all my efforts were futile this caused me to not focus much in the following gradings though I was still being competitive that I started cheating to replace my efforts of just working hard since I thought it wont matter anyways if I work hard diligently I only manage to get 2nd while cheating works easier for me. But during quarantine I kinda matured and wanted to get better I started to focus again. I am driven and even with opportunities of being able to cheat I chose not to but when I found out that my classmates are the ones who actually does it now this gave me frustrations and just did not care anymore. And being carefee helped me cope with my guilts. Instead I change my focus to actually study what I really need to survive in life learning how to live as a citizen and anything I think were necessary.
Ah sht, I accidentally press experience but oh well, better that way