I hate sleeping...

because Im scared of waking up to another day where I will have no choice but to face my fears. If possible, I want to run away and be like a hikikomori who isolates herself from the world and its judgements. But I can't cause I have relationships that I treasure and responsibilities that I have to bear. I have always told myself that I can learn from my mistakes but the anxiety never goes away and self-blame just keeps digging and digging down to my bones. Combining this with the feeling of uselessness, emptiness and numbness... I just want to cut my ties to the world. I have always wondered when can I breathe freely without any burden from all these heavy feelings. I have always wondered when can I be proud of myself. I have a lot of achievements so people expect a lot from me but I don't really appreciate myself. All I see is an imposter desperately trying to shed her skin and scratch her bones in order to reach some kind of normality.

P.S. This is just a rant of a stranger who wants to feel slightly better.