“I’M FCKING DONE WITH THIS! YOU DON’T EVEN LET ME EXPLAIN OR TRY! YOU PUT SO MUCH BURDEN AND EXPECTATIONS ON ME BUT I CARRY IT ALL BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I CARE FOR YOU BECAUSE WE’RE FAMILY! EVERYDAY I FEEL LIKE A DISAPPOINTMENT, EVERYDAY I WANT TO END IT ALL, BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE YOU USED TO TELL ME THAT I’LL PROVIDE FOR YOU ONE DAY, THAT I’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU GET OLD, THAT I’LL PROVIDE TUITION FOR MY BROTHER WHEN I START WORKING. I ALSO PROMISED TO GIVE YOU A BETTER LIFE! I PROMISED SO I CAN’T GO. BUT EVERYDAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH, THAT I’LL NEVER BE ENOUGH!”
I wanted to retort this one at her last Saturday when she started lashing her anger out at me for no reason, she also said that I don’t care about what happened to my dad or any irl problems we’re having and that I care about what I read and watch more than them because she never see me cry bc of it:
“MOM YOU NEVER SEE ME CRY BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOK STRONG INFRONT OF YOU ATLEAST. I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING HAS BEEN HARD FOR YOU, YOU KEPT THE TRUTH FOR YEARS BY YOURSELF AND ONLY REVEALED IT TO ME TWO YEARS AGO. YOU TOLD ME THAT I’LL HAVE TO BE YOUR SUPPORT NOW THAT I KNOW, BUT AT THAT SAME FCKING YEAR YOU STARTED ABUSING ME, CALLING ME A DISAPPOINTMENT, AND USING THE FACT THAT I KNOW A REASON TO GUILT TRIP ME FOR EVERY LITTLE MISTAKE I MADE! BUT I TOOK IT ALL, I NEVER COMPLAINED BECAUSE I PROMISED TO BE YOUR SUPPORT! I DIDN’T CARE IF YOU HIT ME, I DIDN’T CARE EVEN WHEN YOU CALLED ME NAMES, I DIDN’T CARE WHEN YOU EMBARRASSED ME INFRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE BY YELLING AT ME EVERY MORNING IN THE SCHOOL HALLWAYS BECAUSE I MADE A PROMISE! AS LONG AS YOU WERE ABLE TO GET YOUR FRUSTRATIONS OUT EVEN IF I GET HURT I DIDN’T COMPLAIN BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! IT CAUSED MY MENTAL HEALTH TO DETERIORATE DRASTICALLY BUT I KEPT IT IN BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO BURDEN YOU! YET EVERY SINGLE DAY YOU STILL CALL ME A DISAPPOINTMENT AND A BURDEN, YOU DON’T WANT ME TO LAUGH TOO HARD, YOU DON’T WANT ME TO CRY SO LOUD, YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE MY BLANK FACE, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I KEPT TO MYSELF ALREADY, DO YOU WANT ME TO DISAPPEAR?! If so then just let me do it and go. The only thing thats keeping me from ending it all is you and all the people around me who ‘cares’. I don’t want to sadden anyone. But will anyone even cry?”
I’m so sorry for that— You don’t have to mind this but thanks for making this post I might or might not delete this (⌒▽⌒)
Messages
Um excuse me for this I uh-
“I’M FCKING DONE WITH THIS! YOU DON’T EVEN LET ME EXPLAIN OR TRY! YOU PUT SO MUCH BURDEN AND EXPECTATIONS ON ME BUT I CARRY IT ALL BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I CARE FOR YOU BECAUSE WE’RE FAMILY! EVERYDAY I FEEL LIKE A DISAPPOINTMENT, EVERYDAY I WANT TO END IT ALL, BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE YOU USED TO TELL ME THAT I’LL PROVIDE FOR YOU ONE DAY, THAT I’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU GET OLD, THAT I’LL PROVIDE TUITION FOR MY BROTHER WHEN I START WORKING. I ALSO PROMISED TO GIVE YOU A BETTER LIFE! I PROMISED SO I CAN’T GO. BUT EVERYDAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH, THAT I’LL NEVER BE ENOUGH!”
I wanted to retort this one at her last Saturday when she started lashing her anger out at me for no reason, she also said that I don’t care about what happened to my dad or any irl problems we’re having and that I care about what I read and watch more than them because she never see me cry bc of it:
“MOM YOU NEVER SEE ME CRY BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOK STRONG INFRONT OF YOU ATLEAST. I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING HAS BEEN HARD FOR YOU, YOU KEPT THE TRUTH FOR YEARS BY YOURSELF AND ONLY REVEALED IT TO ME TWO YEARS AGO. YOU TOLD ME THAT I’LL HAVE TO BE YOUR SUPPORT NOW THAT I KNOW, BUT AT THAT SAME FCKING YEAR YOU STARTED ABUSING ME, CALLING ME A DISAPPOINTMENT, AND USING THE FACT THAT I KNOW A REASON TO GUILT TRIP ME FOR EVERY LITTLE MISTAKE I MADE! BUT I TOOK IT ALL, I NEVER COMPLAINED BECAUSE I PROMISED TO BE YOUR SUPPORT! I DIDN’T CARE IF YOU HIT ME, I DIDN’T CARE EVEN WHEN YOU CALLED ME NAMES, I DIDN’T CARE WHEN YOU EMBARRASSED ME INFRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE BY YELLING AT ME EVERY MORNING IN THE SCHOOL HALLWAYS BECAUSE I MADE A PROMISE! AS LONG AS YOU WERE ABLE TO GET YOUR FRUSTRATIONS OUT EVEN IF I GET HURT I DIDN’T COMPLAIN BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! IT CAUSED MY MENTAL HEALTH TO DETERIORATE DRASTICALLY BUT I KEPT IT IN BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO BURDEN YOU! YET EVERY SINGLE DAY YOU STILL CALL ME A DISAPPOINTMENT AND A BURDEN, YOU DON’T WANT ME TO LAUGH TOO HARD, YOU DON’T WANT ME TO CRY SO LOUD, YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE MY BLANK FACE, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I KEPT TO MYSELF ALREADY, DO YOU WANT ME TO DISAPPEAR?! If so then just let me do it and go. The only thing thats keeping me from ending it all is you and all the people around me who ‘cares’. I don’t want to sadden anyone. But will anyone even cry?”
I’m so sorry for that— You don’t have to mind this but thanks for making this post I might or might not delete this (⌒▽⌒)