I need someone to talk to

Im having a depressive episode rn , i have bipolar , and also borderline , and im attached to someone even tho i tried not to get attached to one for years , so the person is busy rn and i am so depressed and borderline isn’t helping either , i cried finally after 3 years of not crying , im very tired mentally cause i have aggressive Homicidal thoughts and me trying to hold them back is hurting me more , and yes i am going to a psychiatrist but the visits are very little , they give me medicine escitalopram and mood stabilizer ( lithium ) , im feeling very tired i feel alone , i know im not , but i cant help but feel alone
Im not asking for friends or followers , i just wanna vent , and i cant keep humming forever , u can talk to me till i feel good and if you want you can leave , thank you for reading
If you want to talk to me please do here’s my insta : @bloody.shampoo