hey girlies on my alt to cry rq

okay basically when i was younger i got sexually assaulted by my brother (it was fucking 8 through 10), and ive never told my parents about it, or basically anyone. so today, he gave me a massage and now im literally fucking panicking because thats what he would do when we were younger. like i dont mean to make mangago super emo but im getting so much fucking flashbacks and the fucking trauma from back then and it makes me feel so fuckinng shitty. like i cant even cry right now, all thats happening is my throat choking up and my hands fucking shaking like a bitch, and i want to vomit.