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so yeah i first started when i was freaking 5 years old i already thought about doing the deed.. coincidentally today it has been a pretty shitty day i just point it out and found this forum haha what a coincidence indeed.. but anyway yeah i tried multiple times like me doing it was any other day... my family do not believe in mental health especiall my mom she gets angry when we even bring up one question or statement about it but she uses it freely stating that i am the cause of her depression or that she wants to kill me because i am just irritating her hell even when i am not doing anything she just screams at me i am just tired of it.. well let me go back i started when i was 8 intitially i tried to hang my self suffocate myself and eve drown myself but all ended up in complete failure i was fucking heavy that the rope fucking snapped the thing i used to drown myself fucking cracked and the suffocating method bruh i just fell asleep but when i started at 13 that is where i got more serious i drank 50 pills everyday and wake up at 3 jus vomiting i would jump out of buildings but damnn buildings here be to short to even kill me great i tried to stab myslef but our driver took it away from me and after all of that they just get angry at me saying what is wrong at me.. like i have people who commit suicide around me and all an they comment about stuff blaming the victim..like fucking blaming the dead ha.. well i cant get therapy since it would ruin the rep of my fam and all... but these all arent the worse things they have done haha they have smacked me with metal so hard that my leg bled and they didnt even care i had to go to school the next day.. i was sexually assaulted by my family and my uncles and when i tried to tell my siblings about it they just blamed me on how the hell could i do that or say that.. i just laughed it off saying it was a joke.. i am just tired haha soo damn tired i have tons of anxiety trauma and other shits on top of that school work hah.. like hell i would do anything to just die haha..anyways this was some sort of rant cause they screamed at me again as well as threw my phone at me today and you know why for sleeping like bloody sleeping... i have become a slave to them.. my mom pov are just messed up she tells us that we were born to serve men that we cant be higher than men that men have their prides so we should work any positions above them taht we are meant for children etc aghh... hahah sorry i am just really tired of dealing with all their bullshit.. but imm try again tonight wish me luck that i may fucking leave this shitty world finally