sorry if this offends anyone, i'm just venting.

ever since my 12th birthday i've felt the need to end my life. like i'm taking up space on this planet of billions of people and i need to kindly and quietly exit stage left. i can't forgive myself for all the fucked up shit i've done in my years living and i don't even want to know what's waiting for me on the adult side of life. i know if it all gets out somehow, my family wouldn't forgive me either. i've got my heart set on ending my life on my 18th birthday, the day of my high school graduation, maybe even a bit before that, who knows. i refuse to let myself be in the presence of good people and taint their good souls with my repulsive one. i don't belong here, i shouldn't have been born. i probably really need help but i really really can't tell anyone this stuff and i'm sorry to dump it here on all of you. so many people have dirt on me and if that dirt were to ever reach the light, well, i don't wanna be here when it surfaces. maybe i'm overreacting and i'm not that bad? i don't know. all i know is, in 2022 i hope to be gone and out of everyone's lives and hopefully they'll live on thanking god i'm finally gone.