Uh my story ig sorry

Ah yes i remember when i was like 10 i tried to jump out of a window bc my parents couldn’t stop fighting and my best friend who was 14 at that time stole my bf (basically i am gay now anyway) but it was just a "prank" but i got a panic attack while we were on the phone and they told me that they were "together" and i threw things and started to curse at them in german while crying its kinda funny to me bc i was pretty sensitive and it actually could’ve been worse and i made a drama-pff typical me so uhm and thats how it began now i am suicidal and my first time really trying to commit was when i was 11 bc my abusive mum started to hit me and tell me "you’re so dumb i wish you died" (she proceeded to do that every day but i still love her and she stopped i don’t blame her she is sick..) and it was one of the most difficult years for me at that time bc i was in russia and got bullied and had no friends and my old friends where forgetting about me and that shit damages you when you’re so young and when i came back from russia after some years i got to go to a new school and everyone was/is so nice there i don’t think i deserve it and i still think about killing myself everyday but i kinda finally found friends and uh...maybe a lover too..anyways
If you read this to the end and i think no one did
Ily thanks for reading this shit and sorry for taking your time
Hm I’m mostly writing this to myself ig..
Bye bye
So much more stuff happened but i feel like i am dramatic so i hope no one read this