I want to be free

I barely survived from 2020. This year is literally shit for me. I was alone. I'm a broken home kid and only child, so yesh it's really lonely lol. My dad is a trash, literally big trash i hate him so much god. My mom, i was really close with her before, but after some shit happend to me and making me really2 depressed, our relationship is not the same anymore:'). My mom doesn't believe me i was really scared, anxious, and depressed (I was bullied). Now I'm in a college. I do have some closet friends, but in this year our relationship is begin to tear a part, like it is not like before :"D. I was really, lonely. You know college has a lott of assignments, and in this semester shit got difficult assignments. I don't have someone to talk about all of shit goin on:"D. I'm really sad, it just rrally lonely even though im not alone in my house. Suicide thoughts is always in my mind :"D
I'm scared. I just want to disappear.