TW//. ed

Hi im a minor who has difficult eating problems. I think it started from me not accepting my body for how it was. I dont wanna tell my parents nor my siblings. I dont feel comfortable expñaining it to them. Once, it slipped out of my mouth how I hated myself for eating something and they kinda sidetracked it btu my mom just warned me that I better not be anorexic. But i really wanna know what I have. All i ever hear about is Anorexia, and Bulimia. But I think I dont have any...

I have been like this for months now and dont thinks its right. I may want to eat something because Im somewhat hungry but then I will convince myself that I dont need it. And instead, take in a lot of water. I have developed forced hatred towards specific foods that were a regular eat for me. Such as donuts, ice cream, popcorn, and so much more. Sometimes, I get caught up in the momentum of hunger and eat a snack but after doing so I feel hatred, and upset with myself. I will try to go by without eating for as long as I can.

However I have strict parents who always make me finish whatever I am served, so I do always end up eating three meals a day. And i noticed that I would alwyas be the first to finish eating. (I have never vomitted food on purpose) Only once, I had to eat a cookie so I put it in my mouth meanwhile they were with me but directly went to the bathroom to spit it out bc i didnt like the chocolate it had.

The day I noticed that I should try to change my behavior was when my mom had made oatmeal for everyone but she added on some condensed sweet milk. So i started freaking out about it and my mom was arguing with me saying it was an exaggeration. But she briskly just told me at the end to not eat it and I went to my room and cried... I dont know why.
Please help me