not my drunk ass spilling my life tea

stfu ive have an ass of a mf day and need to vent okay.. and yes i will be venting here bc i have no friends and you hood rats have nothing better to doo..... im sorry if i sound mean just have a lot of emotions rn and i would say im cross faded but im cross faded moving on.... okay hehe so imagine.... getting drunk with your friends then confessing your love to this guy youve known for about a year but yall live a state apart and uhm hes your best friends cousin and uhm yall have been talking fow awhile and yea things are kinda good yk and lets say uh oh u caught feelings okay so then u bottle those feelings bc oopsy he has a girlfriend but its okay bc u respect him enough and want him to be happy in his relationship bc u care for him... kk then uh oh number 2 u get grounded and dont talk to him for a couple months ... when u get un grounded yall start taling again and u find out his girlfriend dumped ... what a shame well then yall talk like normal then u get drunk wasted on halloween... well on halloween u decide it would be a great way to confess your love for him over the phone and tell him everything and uhh yeah and he tells you he dosent think of you that way and that he is still in love with his ex...... ughhh as he should ( jk he shouldnt bc i would treat him way fucking better) but then you start ranting to him bc your drunk and you dont know what the fuck your saying and then since hes such a fucking good guy he trys to help u bc your drunk as shit and on the side of the road confessing your love to guy that lives a state away and that guys telling u to be safe and stop drinking and to get home and yeaaa.. well next day comes u get grounded and in some hella deep shit bc your bestfriend ( my loves cousin) blames thw whole drinking situation on u to get herself out of troble even when u saved her dumbass when she was about to get raped bc she was drunker than u but u cared for her to much that u started to sober up so she could be safe.... yeah well skiping that fucking part present day your still grounded from the world and some one lent you there phone to check theree insta and they guy u confessed your love to hasent said a word besides " happy thanksgivig" and hes livin his best life and so is my so called freind and they just livin it up while im over here hating my life and wishing i were dead.... hahahahaha like fucking imagine bro ... god too bad that shit isnt imaginary but my reality btw can i od with oxicodine just asking for future plan thanks bye im ok btw ( jk im fucking horrible and no one will understand) btw ima probably regret posting this hahah who cares its not like anyone cares abt me... uhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck me man like wow freshman year did me dirty