Keeping them

It's hard for me to make friends, from thoses who moved away without giving me their contact (mostly when I was a child), thoses who used me and thought that it was a given, and the fact that I have a problem now of keeping contact with them.

Other than that, with my childhood trauma I developed trust & abandon issues so I don't even know if they are my friends or not, are they considering me as their friends ? What are friends ? My brain is messed up lol.

With the Corona thing I don't even see them anymore, and with my health issue it's even harder because I can't go to school, I don't like texting people, so it's slowly starting to fade.