"But haven't men done this to us girls too?"
So what you're saying is "gay men have been responsible for the sexualization of women"? Somehow I doubt you want to go there.
"Isn't us [women] reading bl empowering?"
No. And if your "escape", ie yaoi/bl, harms others, ie mlm people, then guess what? You get to haul off and find yourself a different......
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