since 2010...

Let me start from the beginning. The summer before I was a freshman in High School I started talking to this guy on MySpace. I'm 22 so a lot of you might not know about that. It was like an old Facebook mixed with Tumblr. Anyways, I talked to him because I was hurt. My ex had just broken up with me to go out with this girl and that guy was friends with him. Please don't judge I was 14 years old and stupid. Stupid me fell in love with that guy. Lets call him Peter. He didn't have a picture of what he looked like so I can't say i fell in love with him because of his looks. We talked 24/7 until one of us would fall asleep. One day I told him and him being the funny guy he was he said," Am I that good looking?" Dork. Anyways, he said he had a girlfriend of 2 years. Anyways after that I saw him for the first time at school and he was TALL 6'1... I was 5'1 at the time. He did not have a sense of fashion or anything his shirt and pants didn't go. He had long hair and a Justin Bieber mustache. After all that I still liked him. After time we became close friends but I still liked him. I went out with other guys but he was always at the back of my mind. Later at the beginning of my sophomore year he broke up with his girlfriend(she cheated on him) *by the way they went to different schools* anyways I thought it was my time to shine but no he liked this other girl and so sadly i decided to let go already. I started to distance myself from him. When I was finally over him he told me he liked me and asked me out. I was gonna decline but I thought I liked him for so long ... So i said yes. after 3 months I noticed I wasn't totally happy I had already started liking my bestfriend before he asked me out. Also "Peter" was really clingy and things were awkward. I decided to end things but still remained "friends". We would only see each other with our other friends. By the end of senior year we started going out again and we dated up until this year. We broke up after our birthdays. At the beginning of July. What happened? He changed a lot. We both did. I entered college and he didn't. He moved another city that was 6 hours away. We still contacted each other. But everything started to fall apart. We still tried. He moved back and I thought everything would be better but I was wrong. It got worse. He didn't talk as much. Since years before I would always see certain things like girls msgs on his phone but because I trusted him I never thought anything bad. But then I would find pictures of girls on his phone(no nudes). I still doubt he cheated on me but you never know. Anyways we used to be bestfriends. I would tell him everything and then it stopped. He started be disrespectful. I wouldn't enjoy our sex anymore. He treated me like an object. I started to feel bad. He was always on his phone ignoring me when I would talk to him. One time we were on his car and I was trying to tell him what I was going through. How depressed I was and the thoughts that would run through my mind at 3 in the morning when I was crying myself to sleep. But right when I was starting to talk I turned with tears just to see him playing on his phone and I just thought ... FORGET IT. I turned to other people for an ear. He was the person I trusted the most and he never listened to me. I used to feel so nervous even after 3 years of being with him everything he would come see me but after that I just didn't care anymore about if I would see him or not. Then he also started drinking a lot. Then he changed that for weed. He would always pressured me to smoke with him and he would annoyed me. I have nothing against weed but smoking it i dont know how many times a day every single day.... mmmm No thanks. I also started getting anxiety attacks. The first attack happened when i was in the restroom thinking about what to do to save this relationship and I got it out of nowhere and it scared me. It was horrible. Anyways its been 3 months some times I do miss him but he's not the same guy I met when I was a teen.

If you guys are young please take your time because people always change. and you want different things once you grow up.

This is my experience with the only guy I loved. But no matter how much you love someone you have to do whats best for you.