About being drunk and being taken advanatage of..
( befor you start to guess my age I am 21)
This summer I went to a friens house party where we all thought of eachother as friends, so I tought that it was safe for me to get really drunk for the first time, since I always held back myself to look after my friends when they got drunk, or just did not drink more than I can take, so I got really drunk this time. I went to sleep earlier than the others, but got up a few times when I was nauseous or had to go to the bathroom. One time a male "friend" helped me back to a room, and by the time I realised it my pants already dissapeared. I said no, or at least tried to say it, but that person did not stop and sweet talked me into it, or to say in a simpler way he took me not resisting physically as a yes and did it with me, and did not even bother to use a condom. Then when I was sobber enough I tried to find out who it was. Since I am a glasses person, and I did not have my glasses on and was drunk I did not remember their face, but no one told me who it was. Not the person themselves, not those who saw him come out of the room. So I had to go to a doctor and pay 8000Ft( hungarian money) for the after morning pill cos some guy tought it is okay to take advantage of a drunk person and not even use protection. It is not okay. I also hold myfelf responible, since I was the one who deliberately got drunk, but I would have never tought that this would happen. I trusted them, since they were friends and was reasonable enough not to lay a hand on a drunk person or so I tought. Ever since then I am still not over it and mostly not because it happened, but because I was so pathetic that I was unable to resist, when I tought that I would never let things like this happen. As well as that person who was not brave enough to say it to my face that he was the one. Like did he think I would slap him? My arm is as skinny as a broom staff. #－.－) I read a lot of mangas where they normalise rape but it is not. There are cases where they both have feeling for the other and when they get drunk they do it, but that is another issue. I was dissapointed in my so called friends and in myself as well, and sweared to never get this drunk again even when I think it is safe to.（￣へ￣）
Messages
ok just saying the now, YOU ARE N O T AT FAULT. You got drunk to have fun and relax, you did NOT do it with the intention of sex or anything, PLEASE do not hold yourself accountable for this, you were clearly way too drunk to resist anything and the guy definitely realised this and did things to you, he is entirely the one at fault here, I hate that this happened to you, just please know it was not your fault in any way, shape or form. I hate that drinking is now ruined for you but it's completely understandable, that was a traumatic event whether people acknowledge it or not, those people who won't tell you who did it because you're blind and couldn't see are assholes and are not the people you want to be friends with if they'll let this sort of gross behaviour slide. Just please do not hold yourself accountable because you just drank for fun, It's shitty that something like this happened and I honestly just wish I could give you a hug.
Also, I absolutely agree that r*pe in manga/manhwa esp in BL is beyond normalised and it's gross.
Thank you. I still feel bad about it happening, tought my " friends" just laughed it off like no big deal. And told me that it happens sometimes. Still I am still thinking about going to a psychiatryst, just I am affraid to open up to people about it and give my face to the story. I know they have to keep the patients secret, but I have so many insecurities that I would not know where to start.
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