tw//self harm) the reason why i no longer make attempts

i was always urged to take my own life, i had so many complications in life. nothing social, all family problems and drama. i’d often cut myself, rip my skin, bite myself until i felt ok again. it all changed when i met my boyfriend (whom i have had complications with as well) he’s always treated me great. at the beginning, my selfishness ruined the relationship and he lost all trust for me. we’d fight often, i’d self harm often too. we have been fine this week. i love him with all my heart, i feel like he needs somebody better than me. somebody who has their shit together. i have always wanted the best for him, i don’t want to make him disappointed in me and i don’t want to hurt him more than i already have. he’s honestly everything i could ask for. such a pretty boy with a pretty personality. if we break up, i’d want him to find a girl better than me so i can be happy for him. as if of now, we’re doing great. i have been clean for two weeks now.