i've never had a proper boyfriend.

i have a lot of flings, or experiments as i like to say. and even with them i try to pick people i experiment with

having a boyfriend needs a great commitment, it also means giving the ability to hurt you, giving up your barricades and all that jazz

i wouldn't want an abuser / someone frowned upon in the society to say "oh, you know that dude? he was my boyfriend on high school and he was so gone for me, like- *continues rambling about things that may / not be true because i'm a fool when i like someone, monkey love or not*" and others would know we were a thing without knowing what happened behind closed doors, so they won't have other option than to believe him

(i just reread and edited it and i'm sorry if it still doesn't make sense but idk how to put it in better words orz)