22 here believe me i've never even kiss before what more about sex...
quite sad, i atleast want to be kissed hehe
Zoey Zoey Zoey July 15, 2017 11:32 am

14 and it was horrible. I traumatized myself and I'm pretty sure I traumatized the guy as well. My bff was a lot more experienced then me, we grew up together but she was much cooler. We were born 3 mos apart and our moms were bff's as well. Both our moms came out as gay around the same time and both of us had some shitty stuff happen to us. Her life was much harder I think. We were both poor but she grew up in a rural trailer community where she had to learn to be tough and fight actual dirty fist fights.. She was so much more confident then me and I was always following her lead. I haven't seen her since I was 14 either and I didn't know that that visit in the hospital after we got found after running away from home would be the last time I saw her.
We met two boys who were driving by and arranged to sneak out of my house to meet up. I didn't know it at the time but the reason she was staying with me was bc her mom was in rehab for crack. i later realized she hid a lot from me. But we met these boys and even though I wasn't attracted to the guy I did stuff with him. I hadn't even kissed a guy before but I kissed him, gave him head (I puked on him-gross) and had sex with him. He didn't fully get it in bc I was dry and he was huge. But I was horrified afterwards. I hated it and wanted to go home and forget about it. The next day he called and told my friend he was serious about me. I panicked and said I was thinking of becoming a nun so I couldn't date him. I still feel really bad about that. He was a nice guy but I was a child playing at being a grown up and I felt sick at what I had done. But that was the beginning of shit I did that cut me up inside yet I kept doing it for years. Eventually I started cutting up my skin for real. I've come a long way but sometimes the memories one back and cause me to cringe. Yesterday my little girl asked me where all my scars came from and I didn't want to tell her. Moral of the story is try and be good to yourself. If your hurt and do things that hurt you more you crate an endless cycle of damage. Also don't have sex if you don't actually want to. Theres plenty of time to experience sex so don't rush it if your not comfortable.

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15 07,2017
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