Confessions are so hard for me

When I confess to someone that I like them it isn't what you expect like when your reading a romance manga or Manhwa. You can get liked back too, rejected or judged on. So I liked this kid in my school but from my past confessions I was just too scared to tell him that I like him because I feel that he would judge me by calling me ugly or call me names or reject me in fact that he doesn't want people to see me with him because im ugly and all. I know that all boys are not the same but they also have insecurities or another side that no one else knows about. For example a kid that I confessed too at first he was really nice and friendly and I thought he had feelings for me so I was confident but when I told him I liked him he said "Why would I like someone as ugly as you" and that broke me because I thought we were best friends but he was actually just using me for answers and money and for my friends (girls). Then a few months passed and every time I want to laugh or smile with my friends I always feel embarrassed to then one day a kid that was friends with the kid that rejected me told me that he like me (in front of his friends) and I rejected him nicely because if he infected actually liked me I didn't want to hurt him like I got hurt and then I realized that it was actually a prank. I also experienced stuff before that but that's the one that hurts me the most. So that happened in middle school (7)towards the end) and now im in my freshman year of high school and im just going to give up and live by myself because I don't want to be hurt again even those days haunt me.