I'm still traumatized about it

This was when I was still 13 years old. I was still so anti about BL, like I'm spouting some bullshts abt not reading it that it's so disgusting and GL and straight hntai is the only acceptable to read. Until the time, I was curious on how they do that thing. I searched it on a hntai site, then picked a manga randomly. I picked the one that's a bit old and has a weird anatomy. Of course, I didn't see it per page, I just skimmed through it. I didn't see him enter rather their dcks are facing like this => <= and pushing onto each other slowly(maybe?). And that's it, I'm traumatized. My hate on bl grew more and more not until 16 yrs old. I tried to find that manga again but didn't find it anymore. It's weird when I read a bl again, I wasn't surprised on how they do it. It's like, everything's normal lol just not their dcks