I don't really have anyone else to talk about so idc if nobody sees it. Today is my birthday and I was not ready for it??? I can't explain, but when I went to make a wish the first thing that crossed my mind was "I want to die" and then I realized that I'm not ready to be fifteen, all I can think about is that I shouldn't be alive to make it to fifteen. I don't want to be here and I don't want to go because I'm scared of the after. I want my family to be happy but everyday is hell I'm hell and idk if I can do it anymore. I'm getting so tired and i don't know if there will be a future for me. I hate myself since I was eleven but now things are getting worse and worse and there's nothing to stop it. my friends forgot my birthday. A friend of mine knows me my whole life but she forgot my birthday. I shouldn't be upset but I am. I wish I could kill myself. I hate birthdays.
anyways, brazilian meme ahead, because i'm so desesperated that I have to put humor into everything I do. good night I guess? there's a big cake in my fridge
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Happy birthday.
If this console you my father forgot my birthday when I was 9 (i fucking remember).
No. Don't run away from future. You don't have to run towards your future right away like those people planning their life plan when they're 10.
My point it is even a little try to find a way or something that interest you and that you feel like it's worth investing. Those that have something that interest them and want that hobby and passion to be part of their lives when they grow up have a nicer prospect in the future of doing those stuff that passionate them. Since for example if you like drawing you can try going to free courses or do some free job like working for someone by helping them by using your work/hobby ( when I was young I used to do depliant and poster for my school and other collaboration my school have with other faculty. Moral I could enriched my curriculum.)
One of my friend in highschool said the same thing you're saying that she doesn't want to grow up, she's not ready and that her prospect for the future is to die when she's 18. She believe so much on that idea of "why investing for my future when I plan to die young?" The moral of her story: when she hit 18 she discover she didn't have the courage to take her life and because she didn't spend well her youth and her education, when we finished high school she didn't know what to do and lacked the background skills and maturity to deal with the world of workers/adults. She didn't get a job for 3 years.
So yeah, you don't have to be obsessed with your future and if you're not ready to face it at the age of 15, it is completely normal. Take your time BUT also don't relax too much.
And yeah LIVE your youth, join a sport club, or any club.
As someone who's been in an interview evaluator the people who had done or have many passion are seen well and taken note of (like your boss could ask you do stuff you read is one of your hobby) and general hobby says a lot of people (if your in a soccer club, you show you can work in teams, if like books you could have the eye to see parts that people don't notice, if you're like art you show you have a sensible eye for aesthetic) etc.
Basically don't let the fear of the Unknown future stop you from doing what you like.
You're young, spend it well and be happy. Do what passionate you. An active youth bear fruits. Don't let depression stop your grow or hinder you ability to acquire skill. Any hobby nurture your skills which is useful and indispensable for jobs
Aw Happy Birthday though. You deserve a happy life and I hope you can meet many good opportunities and take them
Late but Happy birthday!!!