I tried suicide
I have a lot of dreams about me dying or killing myself in the most grotesque and horrific way possible. I have tried to kill myself, I slit my wrists once, tried to drown thrice, jumped off high places twice (that didn't end well) and try to choke myself thirteen times(?) But I never did die, all I was doing was just hurting myself. But that period did end... well, not until I accidentally found a group of people I look up to, They're in youtube and other sites, I find joy in listening to their songs and covers and relating to them, sometimes they're really dark and sometimes encouraging and silly, I love their videos and always get a good laugh at it, I look forward to everyday waiting for them to upload their videos, I changed a little bit throughout my days of enjoying them doing fun and silly things, I find joy in little things like food, the thank yous I get, the times when a stranger's animal I meet on the street approaches me and just lets me smother them in hugs, and games I usually wouldn't even look at before, I see more and more people like them popping up on my youtube and it's really joyful looking at their growth, now when I feel sad I just look them up and boom there's a smile on my face, I won't ever try to end my life now that I found people whom I want to see until the end of my life, if they ever quit though, it's okay because they gave me happy memories and that's all I need to live by. Honestly, this was the best accident ever to happen in my life.
Dazai is that u? Lol no but seriously thank god you failed cos you wouldnt have found them if you did right? And good job to you! The credit isnt solely on the youtubers you saw. You feel happier because of yourself too. It takes so much effort to get out of a slump. But you didnt give up. You tried finding good things that make you happy, and you ......
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08 09,2020