About ending friendships and whatnot

I ended a lot of my friendships in the past years. Lol.

Well, I tried to do this but I had to reconnect after a few months. I am male and I fell in love with my male bestfriend. I wanted to confess but I already knew that it wouldn't work out. He probably liked me too in that way but I know he's the type of person who'll let go of me eventually. So, I broke off our friendship despite him trying to regain it time and time again.

Aside from him, I ended my friendship with a lot of people. I actually had a girlfriend after what happened to me with my bestfriend. Truth be told, I consider myself pansexual. And I truly did love her. At one point, I confessed to her about me liking guys and stuff that I did prior to our relationship. I plaued around and had one night stands with men and women. I guess it was too much for her. Probably because of carrying that burden, she talked to a lot of people about my preferences and inclination without my consent. At first I thought I would be okay with it but I could hear people whisper behind my back, labeling me all kinds of names. Our friend circle was that of a christian community type. Eventually I broke down. I ended my friendship with a lot of people and of course my relationship with her. It hurt me how she treated something I said to her in confidence.

Anyway both my male bestfriend and my ex girlfriend tried to reconnect on separate occassions. I recennected with my bestfriend but I kept him only at a certain distance. I still don't want to reconcile with my ex tho. Even now I still feel all the lingering effects of it, whenever I meet up with some of the people of my past they give me certain looks and say things in a certain way. As if they are walking on eggshells or something. I hate that.


Lol i shared too much about it.