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I think it was 2 yrs ago that I tried overdosing but sadly I didn't take enough meds and instead suffered 2 days vomiting my guts out, I wanted to kill myself bc of self-hate? I don't rlly like how look and wearing makeup makes me embarrassed cuz it draws attention (I'm an introvert) I'm incredibly shy so even talking to strangers is hard for me. Tbh I feel like a burden to my family cuz the way they sometimes seem like they're annoyed by me and it makes me feel like absolute shit. My mom actually found my suicide note of when I was gonna do it but didn't and I just left it lying around, when she found it the first thing she did was send a picture of it to my whole family which made absolute no sense, like if u find something like that u would usually talk to the kid and not make a laughing stock out of them. I didn't know she found it until my older sister started quoting what I had written down (she did this in front of everybody) I told her to stop and she asked me why, I got rlly embarrassed so I locked myself in the bathroom and cried a bit. Eventually my mom decided I needed therapy so currently I see 3 therapists (1 main one, one that visits school, and my case worker which also visits my school) I got prescribed antidepressants and adderall for adhd, idk if it works or not cuz idk what qualifies as being "happy". I don't talk to my therapists that much unless I have to so idk how they think they can fix me. No one knows I actually attempted suicide except my sister, my therapists (I think, at least I told one of em which made me have an emotional break down that I didn't think would happen), I also told my best friend idk why ¯_(ツ)_/¯ sometimes I just cry for no reason and it's hard to stop it once it starts. I actually wear over sized hoodies cuz I don't like my body, my family thinks I wear em just cuz I like them even though they clearly see me wearing them even during summer (I'm crazy ik) this whole thing is probably close to the biggest rant I've ever done, I'm quite talkative online despite hating any type of social contact irl (my friends being an exception) anyways I doubt anybody will read this cuz it's so long, my bad (￣∇￣) anyways point is I still wanna kill myself but I'm trying to acquire more pills cuz last time I took most of em. I don't wanna kill myself any other way bc I don't like pain and I'd absolutely rather not hang myself cuz I read somewhere u defecate when u do which is gross. Also if u like books based on suicide I recommend "by the time you read this I'll be dead" By Julie petters which is the most saddest love story of all time I cried like a mf while reading that shit and there's also "suicide notes" By Michael Thomas Ford, if u don't like LGBT then don't read the last one but they're both about kids who tried killing them selves and they're both gonna make u cry a river if u read em. I bought them on google play books so idk if u can find them for free anywhere online or not. If ur gonna read em I suggest looking online for a free version so u don't end up wasting money like my dumb ass. Welp I'mma go read some reincarnation manga or yaoi so just gotta yolo it yknow? XD