s a d

Idek where to start but ye we were best friends but we started to do things like hold hands, sit on each others laps and cuddle, kiss each other on the cheek, constantly talk/call/ft and all that but never rlly confessed. I didn’t since I was scared she wouldn’t like me back and i was lose her n idk about her. At some point at relationship turned toxic (jealousy etc) and we stopped talking and though we made up the relationship was completely different even though my feelings were not changed. I felt like she was the only one i truly loved so it was kinda tough and honestly to this day I have both trust issues and don't feel like I’ll never love/be loved again since I’ve never been closer to anyone but her. (Even my new best friend I don’t feel that we’re that close and have doubts she even wants to be my friend.think I need constant assurance otherwise I lose hope)It hurts more since she now has a bf further showing her moving on easily and forgetting while I’m here feeling empty inside which annoys me even more like were we not special?