Your Secrets

So this is not a secret and its prob random to be putting this here but i need some one to answer , So , my whole family have been recommending me and encouraging me to seek therapy , i Dont know why , its prob because I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety , but now I’m way better , but they’ve been telling me to go to therapy , i don’t know if it’s because of depression , or because I’m kinda homicidal , Don’t get me wrong i don’t think I’m mentally ill , I'm not a psychopath or anything I actually love my family , its just that I'm a little cold , i really want to change that , cause it kinda makes me sad , that I’m so cold , I’m actually crying rn haha , I'm not proud of this , but i killed a lot of pets , i used to hurt my siblings a lot , but i don’t see it as wrong even though i know its wrong i just don’t feel like its wrong , I’ve been suffering from lack of empathy since i was born , but I’ve been raised with love and care so it doesn’t make any sense , I’ve been sick since i was 8 with an unknown illnessI have hernia and tumors in my stomach and esophagus , i throw up a lot of blood , and have a lot of problems in my stomach and esophagus , i had 12 endoscopies , 4 surgeries and a lot of medical tests , and they still cant explain my medical condition , I’ve been to USA for medical treatment for 4 years , but they gave up on me since they cant understand whats wrong with me , especially because the blood i threw isn’t mixed with acid or mucus , so its not from the stomach or the nose , so my parents think its the cause of my unusual behavior , please don’t make fun of me cause I’m actually really depressed and tired , cause my classmates always make fun of me saying I’m pretending and asking for attention , how could they say such thing while I’m throwing up blood and passing out almost every day , and I'm just asking for help and it hurts me so much , to be sick without knowing whats wrong with you , so I'm mentally unstable , its not like i cry when I'm depressed i just stare into the ceiling and stop thinking about anything , I’ve been losing a lot of weight since i have zero appetite because of the anti depressant pills i take , its called cipralex , The animals i hurt was killed brutally , it makes me even more hurt , i don’t feel guilty which makes me confused even more