Your Secrets

I just finally got to live with my biological father. After going to court and begging to live with him because my stepdad mentally and physically abused me and my mom. He was very controlling and my mom was very fragile so i don’t want to blame it on my her for not getting us out of there. It all started when i noticed lots of my underwear going missing and at the time i never did my own laundry, come to find out he’d been taking them. My mom tried to confront him about it but he only belittle her to the point where i had to step in and apologize and say i was jumping to conclusions. He’s finally going to jail (i think) i have a lawyer that my dad paid for yet he’s still not behind bars, he won’t let me have any of my stuff including my ssn which i need to enroll in school. This all really sucks and i keep having nightmares of him, i don’t ever want to go back to that apartment and even thinking about it makes me cry, i’ve gained so many insecurities from him and even took up coping counseling because of it. It wouldn’t be so bad if he just left my dreams and thoughts maybe then i could be a little bit more happy again. Sorry if this seems like depressing teenage girl story. Not trying to be dramatic. Any suggestions maybe some tea i can drink that can help me fall asleep or something idk if those work but they taste good.. :(

So this is not a secret and its prob random to be putting this here but i need some one to answer , So , my whole family have been recommending me and encouraging me to seek therapy , i Dont know why , its prob because I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety , but now I’m way better , but they’ve been telling me to go to therapy , i don’t know if it’s because of depression , or because I’m kinda homicidal , Don’t get me wrong i don’t think I’m mentally ill , I'm not a psychopath or anything I actually love my family , its just that I'm a little cold , i really want to change that , cause it kinda makes me sad , that I’m so cold , I’m actually crying rn haha , I'm not proud of this , but i killed a lot of pets , i used to hurt my siblings a lot , but i don’t see it as wrong even though i know its wrong i just don’t feel like its wrong , I’ve been suffering from lack of empathy since i was born , but I’ve been raised with love and care so it doesn’t make any sense , I’ve been sick since i was 8 with an unknown illnessI have hernia and tumors in my stomach and esophagus , i throw up a lot of blood , and have a lot of problems in my stomach and esophagus , i had 12 endoscopies , 4 surgeries and a lot of medical tests , and they still cant explain my medical condition , I’ve been to USA for medical treatment for 4 years , but they gave up on me since they cant understand whats wrong with me , especially because the blood i threw isn’t mixed with acid or mucus , so its not from the stomach or the nose , so my parents think its the cause of my unusual behavior , please don’t make fun of me cause I’m actually really depressed and tired , cause my classmates always make fun of me saying I’m pretending and asking for attention , how could they say such thing while I’m throwing up blood and passing out almost every day , and I'm just asking for help and it hurts me so much , to be sick without knowing whats wrong with you , so I'm mentally unstable , its not like i cry when I'm depressed i just stare into the ceiling and stop thinking about anything , I’ve been losing a lot of weight since i have zero appetite because of the anti depressant pills i take , its called cipralex , The animals i hurt was killed brutally , it makes me even more hurt , i don’t feel guilty which makes me confused even more