Most Cringy Things You've Done

It's my first time writing such thing on a online platform, especially on a site like Mangago but this shows how DESPERATE I am.

Please help me （/TДT)/

A bit of context:
I know this guy that I've know since kindergarten. We also went to together in elementary school. Then we never heard of each other until last year. We got in touch as he went on a trip to Japan (he loves anime/manga and japanese culture in general) and started chatting very often about these topics.

The thing is that he sent me some messages like " I'd marry you" after I've done him some favours. I never answered because I knew that they were just genuine friendship jokes.

He is a good guy and actually a bit of a boomer although we're both 22 but I know that at least he is not a cunning person. Moreover he is a bit shy and introvert so given my personality I felt very comfortable with him.

Slowly, although I didn't want to admit it, I fell in love with him. Hence I started distancing myself because I knew he only regarded me as a good friend and me being in love couldn't accept it. I KNOW I AM A COWARD. But I've never been on a relationship so I'm totally clueless. And I'm hella insecure...

Anyways two weeks ago he sent me those couple reels and I was like... "Wtf?! Is this a mistake?" therefore I ignored it.
He did it again this week. But I seriously don't understand why he sent them to me given the fact that he never ever said something hinting that he might actually like me.

What the hell am I supposed to do?
I'm willing to make the first move and tell him that I like him BUT ONLY IF I know 100 that he does too. Otherwise I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE A REJECTION, I'd die of shame and regret and whatever and I know we would never go back being just friends and pretend nothing happened.

So I'm asking: What should I do? What are the "hints" that usually help a person understand if another one likes him? Should I distance myself and see what he does or be more active?

I dunno what to do and this situation is tormenting me Or maybe I'm just delusional and sending these type of messages is normal between friends. I really don't know...

Help-